求改一篇托福作文

BEC商务英语2021-05-07 16:01:41网络

Nowadays, (这个单词看的考官会有呕吐的感觉 )more
and more students and parents claim that high-schoolstudents should take basic
economic courses. However, as(it) to me, it's
unnecessaryfor a high-school student to take fundamental economics courses.



First of all,
it's a giant pressure that studying another subject willgive to students.(for
students) Thus, usually, students, have a great quantity of classes toattend,(having才对吧 这句算插入语) can't sleep and relax astonishingly well. In consequence, maybe theyeven can't pass one or two
final examination(s). Life abounds with the example, Dage,who was my roommate,
chose to study basic economics, he approximately had no timeto do sports and
relax himself. He always said he felt titanic pressures onhimself. The night
before the economic term examination, he could not find hissleep. Next day, he
didn't pass the examination because he fell asleep duringthe examination. It's
not indispensable for students to take a pressure-givingcourse.



Furthermore,
it's gigantic spending for students to study an unfamiliarsubject such as
economics. Numerous families don't have the ability to pay forthe fee of
studying an extra subject. Students from high schools have topurchase various
reference books to study the course(as) well. Then, they must(不要用must这么绝对的单词) findseveral part-time
jobs to earn enough money because some students are needy inChina. For studying
economics, it's trifling to cost so much money.(观点不明显 需要深入)



Ultimately,
to learn economics will take up students' a considerableamount of time. All in
all,(Cut掉) students may give up
time to learn other course andfailed(fail 时态) in an
irreplaceable examination. We may quote Tom's experience as aninstance. Tom,
one of my friends, did attend basic economic courses for severaltimes and
couldn't find out what the professor talked about since the coursesare(were) astonishingly
complicated. So he spent a lot of time on reviewing theclasses. Consequently,
he nearly had no time to go over the other subjects. Hedid fail in 2 term
examinations in the end. By taking plenty of time,high-school student dislike
and shouldn't take courses about economy.



To sum up, I
firmly assert that high-school students needn't take thebasic economic classes.
In the future, when it comes to me, there will be nohigh-school student takes
the basic economic courses.


观点需深入 国语表面化 1 3的论点的eg 太相似了 可以作为一个来说 你可以以采用2 1的说法 2坏1好


单词不要很刻意的去改 某些adj其实用的并不是很适合


得分2.5-3.5

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